Not seeing the future...

I'm sitting here at work in a panic and frenzy. What the heck am I going to do with the rest of my life? Why haven't I figured it out yet? When people ask I say "I'd really like to end up doing social work but who knows where I'll end up." Sometimes it's just good to have a response but I feel like while I was totally serious and sure about this for a while it's constantly changing. Every time I tell someone "who knows" or "I'm not really sure what I want to do," the response is "I'm not sure you ever really know." Well gee thanks, that is soooo helpful and comforting...Not.

When I first came to college I wanted to write for fashion magazines or rather work in the fashion closet. I had big dreams. Then I got confused and found psychology. I'm not super great at it but I'm pretty bad at everything else so it seemed right and it is definitely interesting. Then at the end of last year I got in a panic again and added journalism and became a double major with both psychology and journalism. Well, that lasted about five seconds. My career is definitely not going to be in broadcast journalism, or journalism for that matter...probably (like I said, who knows where I'll end up).

Then it comes to the current day, I'm a psychology major with a minor in social and economic justice (I just added that a few weeks ago and haven't started it so we'll see...) and my answer if you asked me right now what I wanted to do after college would still be social work. But is that the real answer? The real desire? Who stinking knows. I'm frantically pondering all my options, should I be at UNC? I know that not going to college isn't an option, but would a break help? probably not. Should I transfer somewhere else? what good would that do if I don't even know what I want to do, how would transferring help me figure it out? Other schools do have specific social work bachelors programs. But then again if I'm not going to take a break or transfer it seems as if I'm wasting time here pursuing a major I'm not sure of.

In high school I really wanted to go to Meredith college. It's a private all girls school in Raleigh and it has every major I've considered. I got in. But it's also double the cost of UNC and therefore wasn't even an option. Today I'm a little sad (well maybe more than a little, my cat was just put to sleep yesterday...) but why the heck can't I figure out my life or get a hold on it today. I don't want a random job, I want to do something I'm in love with.

At school I work as an office assistant and truth is I really like the job, but would I want to have a job like this forever? I don't stinking know. Today I want to do fashion merchandising, who knows what I will want to do tomorrow? Maybe it will be a day I want to do counseling...or one of those days I want to work in a hospital and be a trauma counselor, or maybe my mind will go back to social work, who stinking knows.

But in the end, this problem and issue is so small. It all comes back to trusting God and realizing that his thoughts aren't my thoughts and the plans He has for me are greater than any I could ever imagine for myself. I need to work on finding patience because right now this truth is a little hard for me to accept. Couldn't I just get a little hint? A little piece of clarity? Maybe it will happen today maybe it will happen five years down the road, but when it does it will be the right time for it to happen. And for now instead of asking what am I supposed to do now, I will do my best to live my life for Jesus.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11